Warriors: A Parody
by infinityveil
Summary: Doesn't the title say it all? A parody with no real plot but to make someone laugh...although the story itself is so weird it should probably be in the "Horror" genre category. A meme-filled journey, by the way. Reviews appreciated. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1 Family Guy, Ghosts and Kits

_**Hiya. Welcome to the first fic published under the pen name of iNFiNiTYVEiL.**_

Ohyayyy! :D

_**Quiet, Scarlette. Anyway, this fic was written by the two of us, Scarlette and Rose. Visit our profile for more details. 3**_

Let me do some talking, Rose! :P Anyway, this is a lame Warriors parody. What happens in it, you ask? You'll just have to find out.

_**Stay tuned for more epic news on this particular parody. 3**_

**Love, Scarlette and Rose / iNFiNiTYVEiL**

_Rose sighed heavily and rested her head in her hands. It was the perfect night to write a Warriors fanfic-it was still light out, so she could see without having to use her cancer-inducing lamp, she was stocked up on pens, and she'd just finished her _HOW TO WRITE A GOOD SHORT STORY _book earlier that day. So why couldn't she concentrate and get to work? Was it maybe because of a severe case of writer's block, perhaps? No, Rose thought in dismay as she stared at the blank Word document on her laptop screen. "Mom said something today….someone is coming over very soon." She narrowed her eyes, straining to remember who her mother had invited round. Her eyes flew open wide in recognition. "Scarlette!" she gasped. "No, not my younger cousin! She'll wreck all my plans! Noooooooooo!" Rose rushed out the door and began preparing the materials she would need to bar the door._

_But Rose was too late…_

"_HIYA!" yelled a clearly-annoying voice from behind Rose. The latter girl whipped around and saw Scarlette standing beside her, munching on some Doritos._

"_Scarlette!" Rose gasped once more. "Why are you here?"_

"_Just because," Scarlette replied, shrugging her shoulders and dipping her hand in the bag of Doritos. _

"_Get out!" Rose spluttered, snatching the chip bag away from her cousin. "And don't eat those Doritos! Lucas is allergic, you know!"_

"_Oh, sure," Scarlette said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Because Doritos are life-threatening and all. Say, are you working on any fics at the moment?""No. Why?" Rose deadpanned._

_Scarlette studied her face for a moment. "You are. Quit trying to hide it. Where is your laptop?"_

_Rose sighed. "In my room. But don't type anything!"_

_It was too late; Scarlette was already out of the room and furiously typing on the laptop._

"_You haven't started yet, have you?" Scarlette asked, her eyes boring into the screen as she proof-read her work. _

"_No," Rose admitted. "I had a very severe case of writer's block. I am afraid that I an going to have to ask you to-"_

"_Write the fic for you?" Scarlette asked eagerly, tearing her gaze away from the computer to gaze at her cousin in excitement._

"_Well, I was actually going to ask you to leave," Rose continued, causing Scarlette to frown._

"_No! I'm writing the story!" Scarlette wailed, hugging the laptop to her chest and sobbing._

_Rose panicked. 'Okay, okay! You can write the darn story, just quit crying all over my computer!"_

_Scarlette instantly brightened. "Yay! Thanks Rose, you won't regret this!" She started to type again, staring intently at the keyboard._

_Rose groaned silently and sank to her knees. What had she done, allowing Scarlette to write the fic instead of her? She sighed and got up again. "Im going to take a long, relaxing shower," she announced, grabbing a towel off her bed. "Think you can finish the first chapter in half an hour?"_

_Scarlette nodded without looking back. "I'm writing a Warriors fic," she told her cousin. "That okay?"_

_Rose nodded. "Just keep writing. I'll be back in half an hour."_

_As Rose headed out the door, she wondered what would become of her story. "I hope she doesn't make it too silly," she muttered as she closed the bathroom door._

_Scarlette cackled evilly as she checked her work. "Boy, Rose will be surprised," she muttered, settling back to read what she had just written. _

It was a dark and stormy midnight. Why was it dark and stormy, you ask? Well, curious reader, it's because the story would be boring if it was a happy, sunny day. So shut your mouth, because I'm telling the story.

Anyway, like I said, it was a dark and stormy midnight. Firestar was curled up in his den, watching Family Guy on his plasma screen T.V.

"Gee Peter, how are we going to pay for this?" Brian asked Peter as they looked at the extensive damage they'd just forced upon the car they'd crashed.

"Sell Stewie!" Peter snapped his fingers, marveling upon his supposedly-brilliant plan. "On eBay, he'll fetch at least a thousand bucks!"

"Peter, it's illegal to sell babies," Brian reminded him.

"Oh. Then we'll sell him on the black market," Peter decided. He was utterly convinced that absolutely nothing could go wrong with his disastrously-flawed plan.

Brian slapped his forehead. "We can't just sell him, Peter, we have to-" He was cut off by the fact that someone other than Firestar had turned the T.V off.

Firestar looked angrily at Brambleclaw, who had just pulled the plug out of the socket with his teeth. "Why did you turn it off?" he asked him in irritation. "I was watching that!"Brambleclaw merely sat down and rested his tail on his paws. "Sir, we have a problem," he mewed, biting his lip nervously.

"Yes, well, out with it!" Firestar barked, making Brambleclaw jump. "Don't just stand there like a mannequin!"

Brambleclaw gulped. "Its…The apprentices are revolting, sir."

Firestar shook his head. "Is that all you had to say? I mean, have you seen their den lately? Half-eaten pizzas, piles of dirt in the corner-not soil dirt, _poo _dirt, and the smell is disgusting!""No!" Brambleclaw mewed, his voice pained. "The apprentices! They're rioting! Refusing to do anything until they're made warriors so they don't have to de-flea the elders anymore."

"Really?" Firestar was surprised. "There's only two elders; one's a cranky yet lovable she-cat and one's a lonely psychopath who's been living since Thunderstar started the whole darn Clan…..Oh. I see why.""And they're scared because Longtail is apparently haunting their den," Brambleclaw added.

"Oh? Who's Longtail?" Firestar asked.

"He got smooshed by that falling tree that Dovewing kindly informed us about, sir," Brambleclaw answered. "You know, right after Jayfeather got all snaky on us and asked us if we were lumping all the useless cats together and hoping a tree would fall on them?""Oh, yes. Him." Firestar licked his paw. "Well, I'll phone the local vicar tomorrow and ask him how much their exorcisms cost.""Sounds great, Firestar." Brambleclaw politely dipped his head and exited the den.

Firestar laid back in his four-poster nest and sighed. Today had been a particularly rough day for him; and now this had happened.

"Firestar, sir!" Foxleap rushed into the den urgently. "Squirrelflight's kitting!"

"Huh?" Firestar leapt to his paws. "When did she get pregnant?"

"Apparently Ashfur did, way back when," Foxleap mewed, "and she's been pregnant for, like, a year. We all thought she was obese! We even sent her to that fat camp!"

"Dear StarClan," Firestar whispered hoarsely. "We have to see her"

The two toms rushed together to the nursery, where Leafpool and Jayfeather sat, admiring six tiny, squirming kits. Well, Jayfeather wasn't exactly admiring them, because he's kind of blind, but you know what I mean.

"Six kits!" Firestar exclaimed. "What kind of mother has six kits?"

"Well," Leafpool began, "originally she was pregnant with three, but in the several months that she was holding them in, three more developed."

"Oh. Okay," Firestar mewed, treating it like the perfectly logical explanation it wasn't. "So. You got any ideas for names?"Squirrelflight only had to think for a second. "Firstkit, Fiddlekit, Melodykit, Violetkit, Leafkit and Twirlkit."

Firestar raised his non-existent eyebrows. "Um…okay. If you say so."

_Rose emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped over her hair. She leant over Scarlette's shoulder and gasped as she saw her writing._

"_You've made into a laughing stock!" Rose burst out._

"_Yeah, it's a parody," Scarlette replied enthusiastically, spinning around in Rose's computer chair. "How do you like the kit's names?""Fiddlekit?" Rose asked flatly. Scarlette nodded._

"_I was listening to a song at the time," she answered like it was completely normal._

_Rose just sighed. "Scarlette, this is a terrible story-I mean, it barely makes any sense! Since when to the warriors have and-""Oh, shush," Scarlette sighed, already writing the next chapter. "I bet this chapter will get at least one review."_

"_This story is so crappy it won't even get looked at, much less than a review-"_

"_Wanna bet?" Scarlette had an impish grin in her face. Rose hung her head; Scarlette couldn't be stopped when she got like this._

"_Okay. If we get one review, then you can put up the next chapter," Rose sighed, giving into her cousin's wild, absurd demands._

"_Yay~!" shrieked Scarlette. She turned to the camera. "Hey guys! You gotta read and review!"_


	2. Chapter 2 Author Note

Lolol. This is just an author's note. XD

Anyway, for some reason, some of the lines in the text are screwed up a little bit. Like, they're all joined together, which was not what we had on our Word document. X3.

So yes. We can't stand errors like these, so does anyone know if you can edit a chapter once you've uploaded and published it? Or must they all be error-ridden? K

-Rose

-AND DON'T FORGET SCARLETTE. J


	3. Chapter 3 The Unholy Trio and exorcism

Hello again! As you may have noticed, we haven't updated in a while.

**In about a month.**

A month in which we got four reviews! Yay! That makes us happy!

**Not that happy.**

….You're just like, constantly trying to make me look like a moron, aren't you?

**It doesn't take much work.**

See what I mean? SEE WHAT I MEAN, LOVELY READERS?**I'm sure they do. They're not morons like you.**

How do you know?

**They reviewed, which means they're smart and sophisticated people entirely like me and unentirely like you.**

…Wow, I'm completely confused. Did you just say I was entirely like Sophia Cated in a class?

…**I'm going to KILL you for making that pun.**

Don't complain, you set me up for it! Anyway, we've run out of time, so-

**What do you mean we've run out of time? We've got, like, the rest of the chapter for us to duke it out!**

Yeah, but that would be boring.

**OH WOULD IT?**Rose and Scarlette, arguing in a tree, being boooooooooring~!

**Look, are you trying to wind me up on purpose? Because we are so totally going to have a full-scale argument-**

I could just cut to the story anytime, you know, Rose. In the middle of one of your boring sentences even.

**What? DON'T YOU DARE!**

Oh? And why not?**These smart readers don't want to read this idiotic story you've written, Scarlette! They want to read-**

"."

_Snorflezuhmuhnwhaaaaaa…?_

"."

_Uhhimuhnuhgiwa…?_

"FIRESTAR!"

"HUHWHATWHOWHEREPOTATOES!" Firestar screeched, a giant cartoony exclamation mark popping up above his head. Being the smooth and graceful ThunderClan leader he was, he proceeded to crash right into it. Muttering as the exclamation point sauntered out of his den, he examined the giant throbbing bump on his noggin while irritably picking up his hairbrush.

Furbrush. Whatever. I'm not the most politically correct person on , and neither are you, so quit your lolligaggery.

What do you mean that's not a word? It's a perfectly genuine word…Oh jeez, just forget it.

Carrying on.

"Who is it?" he asked the mystery speaker.

"Exorcism here person," the voice rumbled. Firestar heard the thing shuffling into his den somberly.

"Oh, great. They sent Yoda over to kill Longtail's ghost. Can you just get started please?" he added loudly. Turning around, he retrieved his hairbrush from his tail, which had several complicated knots in it which he had failed to get rid of. His eyes widened when he saw who it was.

"Midnight?" Squirrelflight asked, padding up to the badger. "_You're _the exorcist?"

"When did you take this job?" Graystripe asked, obviously confused as how he and Squirrelflight had randomly appeared from nowhere.

"Job took last night 3 am," she intoned casually. "Calling true finally I found my."

"That's…..er, totally great," Firestar nodded awkwardly. "Are you…are you qualified? To, like, exorcise Longtail?"

"Qualified totally," she agreed, lumbering over to the apprentice den where everybody's favourite cranky stripy-tailed blind elder had taken up residence. The three ThunderClanners padded over curiously, watching to see what would happen. Graystripe conveniently gave everyone gas masks and fireproof suits. Way too conveniently, like he'd pulled them out of his butt or something.

But I digress.

Midnight wasted no time in getting out her ax, which had been engraved with the words HAMPSTERS SUCK TOADS, for some bizarre reason. "Midnight?" Firestar asked carefully, trying desperately not to tick her off. After all, she was a badger, and badgers could kill. Because they were totally lethal and all, with their big cute life-threatening noses and tiny, dull claws. Because they've effectively killed one cat in the entire series, and the rest was just by accident.

But again, I digress. (I do this quite a lot, by the way.)

"HEAD OFF CHOP LONGTAIL!" the badger screeched, lumbering inside the den waving an ax above her head. It looked quite comical, actually-it was like seeing an elephant trying to run two-legged in the Olympics while holding a giant pole vault. Yes, exactly like that.

For five minutes the three of them listened to the incredible sounds coming from the den, which consisted mainly of those incredibly lame-sounding "HYAAAAAH" stock sounds found in every single karate movie and most after-school cartoons about the incredibly black-and-white fight with good versus evil, "TAKE THIS!" found mostly in the same movies and lame after-school cartoons, and at one point a couple of car horns blared. A cow mooed randomly around about the sixth minute of listening, at which point Firestar had made an executive decision to just leave Midnight to do her stuff. He ordered all the apprentices to sleep in the elder's den for now with Purdy and Mousetail. They'd probably get even less sleep since Purdy kept talking to himself most of the night, but Firestar was the leader. Nobody was going to argue with him.

Perhaps Blackstar, but not him.

Elsewhere, Brambleclaw was organizing a patrol.

There was total chaos in the camp, which was odd, as only moment before when watching Midnight trying to exorcise Longtail the camp was totally empty and undisturbed. _Well, that's just one of the joys of fanfics. Some of them are so illogical and nonsensical they don't even have to make sense. Like that sentence just didn't._

Everybody was milling around, trying to find Brambleclaw amidst all the confusion. The dark tabby frowned as he tapped Mousewhisker, Hazeltail and Berrynose on the shoulder-or as he liked to call them, the Unholy Trinity.

Berrynose immediately turned around, his stumpy tail whacking Brackenfur in the face. The golden tom rushed to the medicine den to get a Band-Aid for his broken nose, Sorreltail running after him. Mousewhisker turned around after a brief hesitation while he thought about the consequences, while Hazeltail sprang into the air dramatically and landed on her brother's back.

"Yes?" they all asked at once; Berrynose obnoxiously, Mousewhisker cautiously, and Hazeltail excitedly.

"You're going on a patrol. Move it." He shoved them out of the camp entrance. "Bring back some marigold for Jaaayyyyyyfeatherrrrrrrrr!" he sung while skipping away, glad to be out of their company. _Those three are more dysfunctional than the Bundys, _he sighed to himself, congratulating himself on the witty pop culture reference.

Never mind the fact that that particular show started somewhere in the 1980's and he'd never seen it.

He'd heard about it from one of the elders.

And I think everybody knows who. Say it with me! One, two, three-

Purdy!Yay! You guessed right. You get a free Rose plushie! But only after you've reviewed.

Wait, I'm still telling the story. Rose, can I just stop the chapter here?

**You might as well. You cut me off at the start anyway, nobody will have read the whole thing.**

Oh, really? Well, we'll have chapter 3 up as soon as possible, guys, so start reviewing~! Also, there's a special guest speaker coming up for chapter four~!

**Yes, Scarlette has actually planned about twenty chapters ahead. She is **_**that **_**delusional.**

Isn't everybody?

**No. If everybody was delusional, then the term for delusional would be "normal", and-**

**You lost be at "term". Come on, let's go watch Naruto and laugh at how insane Sasuke is!**

**Brambleclaw laughed at the other witty pop culture reference as the fourth wall between Scarlette and ThunderClan disintegrated.**


End file.
